I am constantly (and I mean constantly) picking on myself.
So, at the beginning of 2018 when I set my goals for growth, less negativity was at the top of the list. And then, back in January I wrote about being enough (link to post). This week, I’m opening up about how well that is going for me. I’m going to be open, honest and vulnerable with you right now.
I’ve been telling myself that I could be doing better. In January, I outlined some steps I could take to help and then, well, didn’t do some of them.
The journaling stopped pretty quickly. I’m still the worst about getting back to friends and family when they reach out. I’ve pulled the scale out of hiding more than once.
Each time one of these happened (missed journal day, pulled out scale) I’d start that viscous cycle of self-doubt and criticism. I would berate myself for not sticking to the plan and not putting in the work to grow.
Then one day, after a good journal and yoga session, it hit me.
I needed to stop focusing on the things I didn’t do, and be proud of the things I have accomplished.
Journaling was not my only goal. Nurturing friendships was not my only goal. Not weighing myself was not my only goal.
These were just three very broad, very general parts of a much larger plan.
I wanted to make time for the things I love. Hello, I’m running three days a week and making it to yoga class! I wanted to make art for me. Right now, I’ve never been more proud of how my skills have improved.
The goal was less negativity and the tools were supposed to help with that, not define whether or not I was growing.
These past few months I’ve stopped creating art for others and I’ve stopped judging my skills by how many sales I made. I’m constantly telling myself (and others) how much I love the new direction I’ve taken with my watercolors. I’ve also never been more impressed or amazed by my body. I ran 12 miles and I have my first half marathon race in a few weeks. I can get into asanas that I never thought possible when I started my yoga journey. And I’m honoring my body constantly with nourishing foods and a regular sleep schedule finally. I’ve also made more lunch dates and engaged in more one on one conversations with close friends than ever before.
So, maybe I’m not great at remembering to journal and my friends still need to remind me to text them back from time to time (seriously, I am sorry guys!). I’ve still spent less time than ever before judging myself. I’m still doing the things that make me feel complete.
I’m being perfectly me.
That includes all my imperfections and the battles I constantly have with myself (hey there self-doubt and comparing myself to others). That’s okay. And I hope, whatever journey you’re on and whatever you may doubt about yourself, you know that it’s okay. That all you have to be is you.
I’m using the images in this blog post as my new mantras.
Perfectly me. I am enough.
And I want to share my mantras with you, which is why I created desktop versions for you to download!