I talk about growth A LOT. I talk about being your best self, trusting your truth and I’m usually fairly open about my insecurities and vulnerabilities. I say “usually” because there were a lot of negative self talk relapses last year. After a really good soul searching session, I’d write a positive blog post on how to embrace yourself…and then two weeks later I would find myself standing in the mirror being extremely critical.
Not pretty enough. Not thin enough. Not smart enough. Not talented enough. Not dedicated enough. Not trying hard enough.
Not enough of an artist to succeed. Not business savvy enough to make this work.
Not talented enough to be a blogger.
Not enough of anything.
These thoughts would enter my mind constantly. Sometimes even the day after I’d share a post on self love. It would start this viscous cycle of feeling like a fraud. How could I be writing about growth and loving yourself, when I was struggling with it so much? There were plenty of times where I felt like I wasn’t living my own truth in the last year due to these feelings and personal struggles. Yet, every week, I’d write another post and I’d keep pushing to reach my goals. And it wasn’t until very recently that I truly realized just how “enough” putting in the work is.
I’ve given this advice probably thousands of times. I’ve said it to friends and family. I’ve shared it here on the blog. And I’m going to say it again now as a reminder to myself (and maybe, hopefully as inspiration to someone else):
Put in the work. Don’t give up. And that is enough.
Seems simple right? Maybe too simple? I’ve felt that way before. There were days where showing up and doing the work didn’t feel like “enough”. But trust me, it is. Showing up every single day for the last two years is how I became a better skilled artist. It’s how I went from making $0 a year with art, to paying for the groceries with my art. Putting in the miles is how I exceeded all my running goals for 2017. Getting on the mat, even if it was just for five minutes, is how I found a passion for yoga.
And it wasn’t always easy.
There were so many days where I didn’t want to do anything and that “not enough” voice tried to convince me none of my efforts were worth it. I would set these huge ass goals for myself and feel defeated the moment they seemed unachievable. But I did it! I accomplished way more last year, not just as business owner, but as an overall human being than I thought I ever could. I overcame tremendous personal struggles, grew like crazy emotionally and put in the work to start a business. And this year, I’m going to start putting in the work to push that negative self talk out of my head.
Every year in January, I set a personal growth milestone for the year. Yes, I know that is just a fancy way of saying “New Years resolutions”, but I like the reminder that these aren’t just one-time goals, these are steps to even bigger achievements. Last year, my milestone was daily movement through yoga, walking and running. And, holy hell, did reaching that milestone set me up for some major successes! In 2018 I’ll be running in some of my biggest and longest races yet, and I’m excited for them because I know I’ve put in the work by meeting my 2017 milestone.
For 2018, my personal growth milestone is: addressing negative self talk and having less of it.
I decided to go with “less” instead of “no” negative self talk, because let’s face it, I’m a freaking human being trying to succeed in a creative business. There are going to be moments where it happens which is why the first part is about addressing it. This will not be an easy milestone, but I know it’ll be so worth it to put in the work.
Here are some steps I’m taking to work on my milestone:
- Keeping a daily journal where I write one positive thing about myself for that day. (Repeats totally allowed!)
- Continuing to make time for things that make me feel good (yoga, running, writing, and creating art for me)
- Put away the scale! No more weigh in’s. (Actually, once it gets warm I’ll be breaking the scale. Will share photos.)
- Nurturing and maintaining the friendships that make me feel positive.
- Having my husband/friends call me out when I start talking shit on myself.
Those are just the beginning! I’m sure I’ll find many more ways to work on this throughout the year, and if you have any to share I’d love to hear them! This will be my year of “I Am Enough”, so you’ll be hearing that mantra over and over and over again. I want to put that energy out there, not only for myself, but for others because this is a struggle I know I’m not alone in.
***Side note: I’m having a HUGE sale in my Etsy store until January 31st, with 60% off of prints and some original art, because I desperately need to make space in my studio/living room for more projects and future products!***