This week I really wanted to give up on art.
It felt like there was no time to make any sort of meaningful project. My frustration became so bad I couldn’t think of anything I wanted to draw. In the end, sitting at the kitchen counter, I started to draw an apple. Not because I wanted to, or because there was some deep meaning behind it, simply because it existed in front of me at the time. When I was finished I didn’t even like how it looked.
I wanted to throw it away.
Instead though, I threw it into my portfolio bag and crossed “Project 15” off my list of things to do.
This morning, I passed my portfolio as I was walking out the door. I thought about what I had created and actually cringed. I realized it’s because the apple drawing/pastel reminds of hurried projects for high school art class. It wasn’t something I was proud of.
But does that mean I should quit?
My future mother-in-law shared the following video on Facebook today and honestly it was what I needed to hear:
So, yeah, this apple drawing surely isn’t the most remarkable thing I’ve ever done. It certainly isn’t the most interesting or took the most skill. But I did it. I sat down and I took the time to focus on art, even if it was just for 30 minutes. Which, considering how busy my weeks are getting, is a big deal.
I’m still in that phase where my creative work isn’t what I want it to be. I know it isn’t living up to my ambitions. That’s okay though, because I’m going to get there. Even if it takes drawing another thousand crappy apples.